I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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