I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
