I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize