I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just high enough for therapy.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
