I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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