I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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