I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
