i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
