So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
