can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My brain says no but my pants say off.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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