I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
