Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
