I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
