Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
