Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
