my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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