Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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