that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
