why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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