dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
