so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
