so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
