God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize