whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
