I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
