My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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