In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
