I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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