Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
