So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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