i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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