I must be too annoying 4 u.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
