dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
