allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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