@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
