It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
