i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
