they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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