He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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