I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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