Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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