only if we run a train.
done.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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