It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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