Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I checked into jail on foursquare
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I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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