Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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