Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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