I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
