somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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