i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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