so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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