Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
