I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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