i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
