The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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