Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
