I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
