In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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