You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
