New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
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