She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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