We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
