she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
