escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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