can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.