guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot