My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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