I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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