i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
