Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
