i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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