Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We had to coat check the pizza.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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