I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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